June 7th, 2010
You give birth, the nurse or the midwife places the baby in your arms, you look each other in the eyes and – voila – you’re in love. Right?
In many cases, the answer is “Yes.” For many moms, all it takes is the very experience of carrying their child during pregnancy and then giving birth, to form a strong emotional attachment to their baby, almost immediately.
One way to speed this attachment is to breastfeed right after giving birth – if you’re planning on breastfeeding. There’s no doubt that bottle feeding does not in any way prevent the formation of a strong mother-infant attachment – bottle feeding is a very loving, intimate act of caring for your child – but breastfeeding does seem to speed up the process of attachment.
When I gave birth to my first daughter, the nurses brought her to me almost immediately, and encouraged me to nurse her. Feeling her little body pressed against mine, her hands resting on my chest, her tiny mouth searching for my nipple, finding it and doing just what it’s supposed to do, was an amazing experience. It was like a miracle – this tiny human being instinctively searches for the comfort and food that only I can provide, and my body – a miracle in itself – is providing her with that!
That first experience of breastfeeding my daughter definitely helped with the process of bonding with her.
Still, even after that, and as I continued to breastfeed, attachment took some time to strengthen. There were many moments during those first few days and weeks when I looked at my newborn with some sense of detachment, sometimes even with resentment. Newborns are extremely helpless and completely dependent on their mothers. As a result, caring for a newborn is a draining and overwhelming experience, especially if you don’t have help.
It’s important to realize that when it comes to bonding with your newborn, you need to keep your expectations in check and realize that this is a very individual process and that it can happen quickly, but it can also happen slowly over several weeks. Eventually, though, all mothers and babies, under normal circumstances, form an intense attachment.
This is in fact one of the best things about motherhood – that motherly love and devotion that fills your heart with joy as you look at your baby and that makes her the center of your universe – the intense love that means you would give your life for your baby if it would save her life.
The only thing you should be aware of is the very real possibility of postpartum depression. So if a few weeks have passed since you gave birth and you still feel detached from your baby and resentful towards her, if you find that you don’t really experience joy when you look at her but just feel tired and drained all the time, please talk with your physician about the possibility that you might be suffering from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is very real, vary painful, and very treatable, so if you suspect you might be suffering from it, you should seek help as soon as possible.
Image credit: timsamoff
Tags: bonding, motherhood, newborn, newborns
Posted in Adventures in Motherhood | 1 Comment »
June 7th, 2010
Today I was reminded of a few years back, when I was at a bar with a good friend having a few cocktails. Suddenly, I turned around to find her being attacked by another patron for drinking while she was pregnant. My friend ran out in tears. You can imagine how mortifying this public display would be; Especially since she wasn’t pregnant! She is a mom and hadn’t lost that post-baby belly.
I felt awful for her, but if I am being honest, I silently thought that she should really get her act together. It had been..like..months! I now deeply regret those inner thoughts. Why? Read on.
I was in the dentist office this morning waiting for treatment on a tooth that has been killing me for over a week. I was a little scared and a little emotional. Sitting in the waiting area next to my husband, a client from across the crowded room congratulated my husband on his mama-to-be and the bundle of joy we are waiting on. Unfortunately, I am not pregnant anymore either. I began to cry in the middle of the waiting room.
Of course, I sent out text messages to all my close girlfriends in absolute horror. I love them all dearly for the creative names and wishes they had for this man. I also wonder if everyone silently thinks that I need to get my act together!?!
It was so easy with my first child. The pounds just fell off and I was in a bikini in no time. My son was born 8 months ago and the weight has come off the other areas of my body but my tummy has stayed…”troubled.” So, consider me back in the saddle with diet and exercise. And until I feel safe being seen in swimwear again, I will never forget that trusty tummy-sucker again!
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June 5th, 2010
 Parenthood drastically changes the dynamics between a couple. This is another aspect of parenthood that no one is fully prepared for. You spend years building a close, loving relationship, getting to know each other really well, investing time and energy in the relationship and in each other.
Then come the kids. For most couples, the arrival of children dramatically changes everything. Now you are both tired, sleep deprived and overwhelmed. The little energy that you do have goes to the kids -they are now your first priority.
This is especially true for new mothers. Many of us are so absorbed in the intense experience of caring for a newborn, that it sometimes seems as if there’s no room left for anything else – including ourselves and our partner.
Sometimes I think it’s a miracle that relationships survive these first few months (or years) of parenthood, but the good news is, healthy relationships do. The time you spent together building memories and developing the basis of your relationship should take you though the first few months. After that, it IS important to try and find the time – and the energy – to spend time together as a couple. Personally, I have found that a weekly “date night” is hugely helpful in keeping things fresh and interesting and making sure that we still view each other as a man and a woman, not just as parents.
Image credit: adam Jones
Tags: parenthood
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June 5th, 2010
 Her blog’s tagline says it all: “I don’t know what I’m doing either.” And it’s exactly this honesty, this willingness to admit that she’s not perfect, that makes Liz so approachable and so easy to read and relate to.
Mom-101 is the exact opposite of what its name would make you think it’s about. It is in no way a stuffy, self-important blog with lots of bulleted articles containing parenting advice. It’s not the type of parenting blog that tells you what to do and how to raise tour kids. If you’re looking for “Top 10 Ways to Get Your Child To Sleep Through The Night” type of posts, you should probably look elsewhere.
And not that there’s anything wrong with “Top Ten” posts! They are often fun, entertaining and filled with useful information. But they do tend to be a little detached. Liz’s writing is never detached.
Mom-101 is about parenthood, but it’s about going through this wild ride together, experiencing the ups and downs, the dilemmas, the tears and the joys. Liz never pretends to have all the answers. On the contrary, just like each and every one of us, she’s constantly asking questions and looking for answers.
My favorite posts by Liz are those that capture the deep pain of being a working mom. I know, we are all working moms, but I mean the type of working mom who works in an office and needs to leave her child with a caretaker every day. I wish it wasn’t so painful for us to leave our children behind. I wish we weren’t getting the subtle messages from the media, those that tell us we’re not good moms, that we should leave our careers and focus on our children 100% of the time. I wish being a working mom was a straightforward, simple choice.
But being a working mom is not a straightforward choice and working moms struggle with guilt every single day. Liz captures this struggle beautifully in many of her posts.
The Constant Battle, for example, brought tears to my eyes, as I’m sure it did to many other moms. That familiar yearning to have a choice, to not be in a place where you HAVE to leave your child at daycare each morning.
And then, in her follow-on post, Being There, she said, “It’s not such a horrible thing, to make our children proud. Through our actions, through our work, through our commitment to them and those in our lives. I have to remind myself that the choices we make now as parents aren’t just to get our children through the days. It’s to get them through their lives.” And I just nodded, again, tears in my eyes.
“I’m starting to feel more and more… that that World’s Greatest Mom Trophy is escaping my reach” Writes Liz in her post Trying to Do Something Right.
Don’t we all.
Tags: mom bloggers, Mommy bloggers
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May 21st, 2010
 Or maybe I should say “sleeping,” because sometimes it feels as if, once you have babies, you don’t sleep at all!
You know what I mean, right? You fall into bed at night, exhausted, fall asleep almost immediately, only to be awakened a couple of hours later by your baby’s cries. A quick nursing session, changing his diaper, and you fall back into heavy sleep… only to be woken again.
It’s now 4am, so you start calculating – if I manage to go right back to sleep, I can still get three more hours. Wishful thinking, because your toddler wakes you up, happy and energetic, at the rise of dawn, ready to play!
Long gone are the days of sleeping in until noon, especially on the weekend. Long gone are the days of long, sweet, uninterrupted sleep, of waking up feeling refreshed and full of energy.
Now, in your foggy mommy state, all you can do is think about the good old days… then catch a glimpse of your child’s sweet, trusting smile and know that they are so worth it, and that as much as you miss your pre-kids life, you would never give up the joy that they bring you now, even if the price is sleeping less. Much less.
Photo by peasap
Tags: parenthood, sleepless nights
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May 20th, 2010
 Drum roll… this month’s blogger award goes to Tsh Oxenreider of Simple Mom!
Simple Mom is one of our favorite blogs. We think that Tsh captures it so nicely in her About page, when she says that Simple Mom “is like Zen Habits wearing an apron.”
If you’re familiar at all with Zen Habits, you know that it’s a wonderful blog about simplicity and productivity, and so is Simple Mom. It’s just that Simple Mom is geared towards what Tsh calls “home managers,” a title that we love!
We all crave more time, and we all feel overwhelmed with life at times. I know I do. It’s weird, becuase we are surrounded with all this technology and appliances that were supposed to make our life easier, but in fact, life today is significantly more stressful than it used to be, simply becuase we’re trying to get so much more done.
People’s expectations in the past in terms of what they expected to do every day, whether at home or at work, were much lower. We now try to cram so much into our days. In addition, one has to realize that with the introduction of home appliances, including washers, dryers and vacuum cleaners, cleanliness standards have become much higher, so – again – we don’t really work less around the house than our mothers used to work.
We love Tsh’s focus on simplifying things, cutting through the chaos, refusing to be sucked into that whirlwind of nonstop activity and going back to a simpler, slower way of life. We feel inspired and calm after reading her posts.
It’s difficult to pick a single favorite post from Simple Mom, but if we have to choose, we would have to say that “The Beauty of Living… Slowly” was one of our absolute favorites. It’s one of the areas we really struggle with – slowing down – and this post not only inspired us to slow down, but also gave us concrete ideas for how to do that.
Our favorite tip?
“Instead of three Most Important Things on your list today, make it just one. Or none, even.”
Because really, when you take a moment to scrutinize your to-do list – really look at it and see if all the items there are important – more often than not you will realize that half of the items on your list are basically there to keep you busy because you have grown accustomed to feeling like you NEED to be busy.
Shaking the need to be constantly busy isn’t easy – it’s ingrained in our western culture as Tsh points out – but if we can manage it, we will be rewarded with more quality time to spend with our family, with more “me” time, and certainly with less headaches!
Tags: mom bloggers, Mommy bloggers
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May 19th, 2010
 Everyone loves a well thought out gift. Stand out from the crowd with a winning combination designed to make a splash! Here are our 5 favorite pregnancy gift combos:
Congratulations!
Mama Mio Congratulations! pregnancy care kit PLUS From The Hips pregnancy book
This is the perfect gift to kick start a great pregnancy. The body care kit is all about getting bigger and helping her body grow with ease. The book is the hands-down favorite for every mom looking to explore the many upcoming changes and parenting choices (without being preachy!).
Pregnancy Comfort
Boppy Total Body Pregnancy Pillow PLUS Psi Band drug-free nausea aide
Pregnancy can be difficult for any mommy-to-be due to all the discomfort she will encounter over the entire 9 months. This is a gift that will let her know you care about her and want to help ease that discomfort.
Getting ready for D-Day
Laugh & Learn About Childbirth DVD PLUS a custom duffle and hospital care kit
Google searches for “birth classes” and “what to pack for the hospital” are off the charts! We should call this combo the Anxiety Cure. The DVD saves money and time compared to the traditional weekly class but allows mom to review and learn at her own pace. The custom duffle is embroidered with baby’s name (making it a great piece of luggage for baby) and contains comfort aides, toiletries and a drug store guide to all the necessities.
Here Comes Baby!
Designer maternity hospital gown (on the cheap!) PLUS labor ease kit
We’re surprised maternity hospital gowns didn’t get popular sooner! Sure, it seems a little over the top at first. But consider how many pictures are taken on that one day. Believe me, being able to look back at those photos and feel like a star is priceless! Pretty Pushers do that for mom-to-be at an affordable price. The labor ease kit does just what it promises and helps soothe and calm mom-to-be right through labor. This is a great combo that is sure to be a unique baby shower gift!
Creating Pregnancy Memories
My Digi Time Capsule and Belly Casting Kit
Everyone thinks of baby books and bronzed booties, but few think of keepsaking the moments of pregnancy until it is too late. The time capsule is a great 21st century version of the old journal, equipped with an image vault and topics to help mom keep track of her changes and thoughts throughout the experience. The belly cast is a great way to hold on to her pregnant form. No matter what she says about it now, she will miss it when it is gone!
Tags: Pregnancy Gift Ideas
Posted in Gift Ideas | 2 Comments »
May 6th, 2010
 If you are pregnant, or have been pregnant, you know that during pregnancy women are surrounded by crazy myths about what they like and don’t like, what they should and shouldn’t do, and how they should or shouldn’t act.
While my approach during my pregnancies was to be patient, smile and just ignore the constant stream of comments and advice, I thought that now that I have a blog I should probably tackle a few of these myths and hopefully put an end to them!
1. Sex will harm your baby!
No it won’t. It is absolutely fine to have sex during pregnancy – if you want to, of course. The baby is well protected by the amniotic fluid and the mucous plug, and a miscarriage, when happens, usually happens because of abnormalities in the developing baby. So have fun as long as you feel like it! By the end of your pregnancy you will likely feel too heavy and bloated, and once you have a newborn… well, that’s a topic for a different blog post. Which brings me to the second myth…
2. Having a baby will strengthen your marriage
I wish this was true, but in reality, having a baby puts a major strain on your relationship with your husband or partner. The combination of lack of sleep, of refocusing all your energy on the baby instead of on the relationship, and the physical recovery from labor and delivery all mean that for many couples, keeping the romance going after they have a baby is a struggle and something that they really need to work on.
3. Pregnant women lose their minds!
You’ve seen it in movies, right? The pregnant woman who acts completely irrationally, who suddenly bursts into tears for no real reason… pregnant women are crazy, right? Wrong. Pregnant women do go through hormonal changes, which can affect their mood. They also have to cope with lots of changes to their body, which isn’t easy. But I can assure you that pregnant women do NOT lose their sanity and in fact remain very capable – and responsible – throughout their pregnancy.
4. Pregnant women must avoid fish
Not true. While there are a few types of fish that should not be eaten during pregnancy because of their high mercury content, most fish are fine if eaten in moderation. Click here to read the FDA guidelines on eating fish while pregnant.
5. Pregnant women just love it when you grope their belly
This is my personal pet peeve. I know that people who do this are not trying to make us feel uncomfortable or to show disrespect, but it never ceases to amaze me when a complete stranger comes to a pregnant woman and gropes her belly – something they would never do if she weren’t pregnant. It’s as if being pregnant makes that belly of yours public property, as if it’s no longer attached to a person – to you, but last time I checked, that belly WAS firmly attached to me. So please, keep your hands off!
There are, of course, many more pregnancy myths out there. We would love to read about your own experience with pregnancy myths in the comment section.
photo by Phil Campbell
Tags: pregnancy, pregnancy myths
Posted in Adventures in Motherhood | 27 Comments »
May 2nd, 2010
 My son is 7 months old, and I still wear him every day. I love baby wearing for many reasons, but the top three that come to mind are:
1. Bonding. Wearing your baby close to your body promotes bonding. It makes sense: instead of placing your baby in a crib or in a stroller, expecting him to be quiet, you recognize that he would much rather be held, and hold him close to you for several hours each day. Babywearing promotes attachment, while laying your baby down and away from you is a way of detaching yourself from him (and yes, we do recognize that sometimes you NEED to put your baby down!)
2. Less Fussing. Babies are happier when they are carried. There’s plenty of research to support that, but frankly, most parents don’t need research to tell them that their babies are happiest when they are being carried.
3. Convenience. Babywearing is very convenient. Unlike pushing a stroller, or carrying your baby in your hands, when you use a baby carrier your hands are free and you don’t have to push, or to carry anything. Make sure you choose a baby carrier that doesn’t put a strain on your baby’s hips and on your lower back. We love the Moby Wrap.
Tags: babywearing, moby wrap
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May 2nd, 2010
Parenting involves lots of hard work – we all know that. But then there are those magical moments when your kids do something that fills your heart with so much joy, you think it could just explode! I had one of those moments a couple of days ago.
My son (shown in the picture on the left) is 7 months old. He’s not much into talking, but we knew that boys often take longer than girls to talk so weren’t worried about it. The other day I was laying down with him. We were cuddling, relaxing together. Suddenly, he looked into my eyes, put his little hand on my face, and said “mama!” He said it three times, without breaking eye contact even once.
I melted, of course. It just doesn’t get any better than that! These are the moments that make it all worth it – the sleepless nights, the endless diaper changing, the stress, the lack of privacy… you work so hard, and then they produce this magic that makes you melt and you just know that nothing can compare to being a parent, that parenthood is one of the best adventures you are ever going to experience. And you feel so grateful.
Tags: babies, baby's first words
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