You give birth, the nurse or the midwife places the baby in your arms, you look each other in the eyes and – voila – you’re in love. Right?
In many cases, the answer is “Yes.” For many moms, all it takes is the very experience of carrying their child during pregnancy and then giving birth, to form a strong emotional attachment to their baby, almost immediately.
One way to speed this attachment is to breastfeed right after giving birth – if you’re planning on breastfeeding. There’s no doubt that bottle feeding does not in any way prevent the formation of a strong mother-infant attachment – bottle feeding is a very loving, intimate act of caring for your child – but breastfeeding does seem to speed up the process of attachment.
When I gave birth to my first daughter, the nurses brought her to me almost immediately, and encouraged me to nurse her. Feeling her little body pressed against mine, her hands resting on my chest, her tiny mouth searching for my nipple, finding it and doing just what it’s supposed to do, was an amazing experience. It was like a miracle – this tiny human being instinctively searches for the comfort and food that only I can provide, and my body – a miracle in itself – is providing her with that!
That first experience of breastfeeding my daughter definitely helped with the process of bonding with her.
Still, even after that, and as I continued to breastfeed, attachment took some time to strengthen. There were many moments during those first few days and weeks when I looked at my newborn with some sense of detachment, sometimes even with resentment. Newborns are extremely helpless and completely dependent on their mothers. As a result, caring for a newborn is a draining and overwhelming experience, especially if you don’t have help.
It’s important to realize that when it comes to bonding with your newborn, you need to keep your expectations in check and realize that this is a very individual process and that it can happen quickly, but it can also happen slowly over several weeks. Eventually, though, all mothers and babies, under normal circumstances, form an intense attachment.
This is in fact one of the best things about motherhood – that motherly love and devotion that fills your heart with joy as you look at your baby and that makes her the center of your universe – the intense love that means you would give your life for your baby if it would save her life.
The only thing you should be aware of is the very real possibility of postpartum depression. So if a few weeks have passed since you gave birth and you still feel detached from your baby and resentful towards her, if you find that you don’t really experience joy when you look at her but just feel tired and drained all the time, please talk with your physician about the possibility that you might be suffering from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is very real, vary painful, and very treatable, so if you suspect you might be suffering from it, you should seek help as soon as possible.
Image credit: timsamoff
I knew what love was before I became a mom. I loved my parents, my siblings, and my friends. When I met my husband, I fell deeply in love with him. I knew love, and I loved deeply and fully before becoming a mom, but nothing could have prepared me for the intensity of a mother’s love.
